What are the dos and don’ts of having sex after a tough breakup? When should you try it, and how can it help you get over your ex? Recovery is different for every person, but there are some universal truths and useful pieces of breakup advice that will help you move forward. Here’s how to win at sex after a breakup!
Breakups Are Always Messy
Let’s start with a reality check and tell you that every breakup is tough! All breakups can be confusing and unpleasant, regardless of the depth or length of your relationship. The best way to move forward is to accept that. For many, breakups can cause strong feelings of rejection, inadequacy, mistrust, and depression. Unfortunately, many people bury their feelings after breakups and completely ignore the “wallowing” phase.
If you want to have sex after your breakup, you should try some much-needed self-care first. During the healing process, you should analyze your feelings and come to terms with them. Try to be kind to yourself and find other things that give you purpose in life. This step is essential because it will allow you to connect with yourself instead of focusing on your breakup. It’s a huge part of healing, and it will lead you on the path to winning after a breakup.
Sex as an Effective Way to Move On
Obviously, sex is highly pleasurable. It allows you to try new things that feel good. Moreover, it also has a highly therapeutic effect on your mind and body. Multiple studies have shown that sex boosts happiness levels while decreasing stress. It can enable you to shift your focus after a breakup, boost your self-confidence, and simply have fun.
However, before you attempt anything, take note of what we’ve said about healing and self-care. People who skip that stage will often turn to rebound sex right away. They may sleep with someone else to forget about their feelings, prove that they’re okay, or even get revenge on their ex.
While sex can reconnect you with your body and allow you to move on, consider your reasons for post-breakup sex. If you pursue it to prove something to your friends or your ex, or if you’re not in the right headspace, rebound sex could actually be detrimental or depleting. Thus, we advise you to reassess your goals before you jump in the sack with someone else.
Winning at Sex
If you want to have rebound sex right away, no one can stop you. However, you should know that everyone deals with their breakup differently. Some could use post-breakup sex to get over their ex immediately. Others could try it without really knowing their reasons, and it could make them feel worse.
If you are unsure, the key to winning is to get into the right headspace. As mentioned, consider your goals and intentions for sex. If you want to try to listen to your body and reconnect with your sexuality, enjoy your single status and find a like-minded partner. Yet, if you use sex only as a means to forget about your feelings and get back at your former partner, it may not be a good idea.
If you want to win, note that rebound sex doesn’t mean you’ll need to sleep around and have flings with everyone. It can still be meaningful and fulfilling. Also, winning means being responsible and giving your best to please the other person. Why is rebound sex awesome? Find out here.
Clearly, consent is king when it comes to sex. Safe and consensual sex will ensure that both sides are on the same page. There’s not much to say here, but you just need to make sure that it goes both ways. The lines could become blurred if you want to try some rebound sex after a night of heavy drinking or partying. If you’re having rebound sex for the first time, note that it’s okay to back out at the last moment if kissing or foreplay doesn’t feel good.
What’s more, if you are distressed or angry, your feelings could cloud your judgment. This is exactly why you need to be in the right headspace beforehand. If you are not in a sober state or if you’re overwhelmed with feelings, your new fling could use that to exploit you. Thus, you have to establish clear boundaries before you jump into bed with someone.
Be Clear With Your Intention
As mentioned, it’s not a good idea to sleep with someone in order to prove something to your ex, your friends, or yourself. It’s highly important to be open regarding your intentions because they can affect you and your new partner. If you simply want to hook up with someone and have a purely sexual relationship, make sure that the other person knows that. Don’t lead them into thinking that they could have a meaningful long-term relationship with you.
If all you want is meaningless and purely physical sex, you’ll need to be direct and tell them your relationship status. So let your new partner know what they’re going into. If you feel that you’re ready for a relationship that’s not only about sexual encounters, explain that to your date. With clear and good intentions, both you and your new partner will be on the same page, and there won’t be any false hopes or risks of getting hurt.
Is sex without emotions possible? Find out here.
Just like with your intentions, you also need to communicate your desires, wants, and needs. It’s not a bad idea to tell your date that you’re simply looking for rebound sex and that you want to try out specific sexual activities with them.
If you don’t know what to say, then it may be better to do some more thinking before any naughty activity. However, if you’re confident and you know your intentions for having sex, definitely explain them to your new partner. What’s more, remember that sex after a breakup isn’t only about you. Another person will be involved, and you shouldn’t forget about their desires and needs.
Be Selfless and Be Selfish
Speaking of other people, dating experts recommend that you shouldn’t be afraid of selfishness. You can think about yourself and focus on your needs at the same time while thinking about the other person.
Remember, caring about yourself and not dwelling after your breakup is not selfish by any means. You deserve to focus on yourself, but you can still exercise selflessness in dating and sex. One way to make mistakes here is to only focus on your sexual pleasure. This is common for people who’ve experienced sexual problems in their past relationships. If you only think about your pleasure, you’ll neglect a big aspect of making a connection with someone else.
The Bottom Line
In the end, only you can decide if sex is the next logical step that will allow you to heal. However, we’ve shown you some best ways to avoid mistakes and make sex more pleasurable. So good luck with your recovery and have fun!